Story 1
Ah Lian asked shopkeeper, "Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to
knee, boh?"
Ah Chek replied, "Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist)
only, where got up to the 'nee'(breast) one?"
Story 2
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place
to show it to her.
So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new
car to his girlfriend.
"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
"Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and
floored the accelerator.
The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the
lamp-post.
"Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah! Wah Piang
eh!"screamed Ah Beng.
"Solee, solee, pai sah lah! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"
Story 3
The Titanic was sinking and there weren't enough lifeboats.
So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the
icy water to make room for women and children.
To the British he said, "You must act like gentlemen." They
jumped. To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.
To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he
came up with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."
Story 4
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian were at the army supply
base to collect underwear.
The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah
dei?Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
Tambi: January, February, March.....One month one.
Story 5
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and
wanted the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti"
(In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread).
The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them
to re-select another song.
The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a big fuss claiming
the DJ was insulting them.
The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down.
Finally after a long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out
that they were actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the
Righteous Brothers.
Story 6
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and
wanted to get down to the ground floor.
As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to
number 2. It was then followed by a G.
As they were not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no
idea what does the letter G mean.
Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G.
When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian
was so impressed and asked the first Ah Lian,"Wah low!!! How you know
one?" The first Ah Lian replied smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."
Story 7
Santa Singh (remember him?) just graduated from Law school and
decided to apply for a job in the most prestigious "Lee & Lee Law Firm".
During the interview, Mr. Lee KY looked at Santa Singh's resume,
thinks for a while and said, "Well, I would need to discuss your application
with my wife." And went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife.
Lee KY's wife said, "C'mon, don't you know that we only hire
lawyers with surnames beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't
hire Santa Singh!"
So Lee KY told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection.
Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and
requested for another interview and Lee KY said, "Look Santa, I have
already told you that we only hire......."
When Santa Singh interrupted him and said, "I know, I know. I
have just changed my name."
Lee KY looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked, "What is
your new name then?"
On this, Santa Singh replied, "Surname Lee, last name, Manga!"
(Manga-Li)
Subject: Gas Station
A gas station was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put
up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."
Soon a local guy pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for
his free sex.The owner told him to pick a! number from 1 to 10. If he guessed
correctly, he would get his free sex.
The guy then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were
close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."
A week later, the same guy, along with a friend, pulled in for a
fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to
guess the correct number.
The guy guessed 2 this time. Again the proprietor said, "Sorry,
it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the guy said to his friend, "I think
that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."
His friend replied, "No it ain't, rigged --- my wife won twice last week!!"
One day, there were an American, one Italian, a Singaporean and
Bangladeshi traveled around on a private helicopter.
After about one hour of travelling, the American took out his
cigarette (Dunhill), lighted it up and started smoking after two sip, he
threw the balance of the cigarette.
The other three persons were surprised and asked "Why didn't you
finish-up the cigarette before throwing?"
He replied arrogantly, "There is a lot of cigarettes in my country."
Half an hour later, the Italian took out a bottle of branded
perfume and applied on him and the rest he threw out of the window.
The other three persons were surprised and asked, "Why did you
throw away the perfume?"
The Italian replied also, "There is a lot of perfume in my country."
The Singaporean didn't know what to do & suddenly pushed that
Bangladeshi out of the helicopter.
The other two persons shouted crazyly, "Why did you push
him!!!!!!!??????"
The Singaporean said slowly, "There is a lot of Bangladeshi in
my country."
Everybody kept quiet and stayed away from the Singaporean.
